remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
