Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?

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(516): View more from New York

He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue

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(516): View more from New York

i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.

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(310): View more from California

She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me

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(702): View more from Nevada

Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.

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(940): View more from Texas

low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.

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