**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
