Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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