MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
