Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
