Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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