Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
