wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize