no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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