me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
