dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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