Where did you get a picture of my penis
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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