Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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