I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
