so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
