ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize