Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
