so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
