I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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