i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
