so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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