please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
