i just sent this text using only my big toe
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
