he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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