she woke up with a sticky ear
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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