lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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