I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
