The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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