I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
