um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
