It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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