I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
