Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize