yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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