Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
