you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
