wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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