When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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