Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
