You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
