Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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