He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
