Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
