omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
