Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
