I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
