He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
