my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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