o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
