I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
