My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Text me some of your sweat
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
