two words: eviction party
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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