I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
