Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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