Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
