so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Drake has all the answers
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
