I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
