physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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