I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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