I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize