you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
