YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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