i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
