My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
