literally had 100 drinks last night.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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