And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
