Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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